Perjalanan Diri 2012

SubhanaLlah, AlhamduliLlah, Allahuakbar...

Sudah terlalu lama rasanya tiada coretan untuk tatapan diri, buat penguat fikiran, penajam minda, pengingat diri.....

Sudah terlalu terbiar sepi tanpa kalam yang ditinta 'keyboard' usang laptop tua dimamah usia....

Sudah beku minda berkata-kata lantaran diulit cuai beralasan tiada masa....

Sudah terbit kata-kata diminda namun sukar diluahkan pada perkataan untuk diterjemah rasa hati dan minda...

Aku sedar akan kelemahan yang ketara...istiqamah, komitmen dan perkataan yang memberi maksud seerti dengannya...

Namun...ia kekal sepi sehingga tergerak hati oleh Ilahi untuk kembali bermonolog sendiri, menghargai kurniaan Maha Pencipta sebagai bukti diri ini tidak mati dari berkata-kata sebagai bekalan dalam meniti 'Perjalanan Diri'....

Sekian...

Ayah Chik '12

People Do Changed

feel ashamed, scared, sad & anger

carry a burden on this tiny shoulder

try to get concrete solution 

people do changed

people do changed

God never change

try to analyze

where this nonsense come from

all memories of the past

shall remain and carried away

today, tomorrow and hereafter

people do changed

what happen actually?

not a clue?

so, what happen actually?

oo, people do changed

is this really true?

today's reality confirm it

no need to be idealist 

people do changed

idealist vs reality

who shall win?

good vision vs reality nowadays?

hurm, hard to decide

good vision, idealist

no vision, fantasy

oh no, this is reality

people do changed

let they gone

pick up something good

look forward, be optimist

be a good idealist in this reality world

May Allah bless us all

Ayah Chik

choose - final part.

it's been a while since last article publish in this diary. too much to jotting it down but in the end, just mumbling with any sentence. my friend said from his view, he thinks that its better for me to speak rather than to write. so he suggest that its better for me to become a speaker, giving talk, tazkirah or what so ever using my voice. i agree with that opinion since this diary that i create last year prove that theory.

he gave me a few opportunity becoming presenter during business presentation for the last 4 weeks ago and i enjoy it pretty much. knowing yourself from different angle and perspective and from various person around you. i try myself to jotting down something that come out from my mind and it better jotting down while you saying it altogether. what i said is what i wrote.

we need to develop ourself preparing for the future in front of us since all knowledge from higher education can't provide us (i think) enough preparation to overcome all problem arise from current reality. engineering field provide us some flow that we use as a reference in our daily life for solving problem. but reality keep changing as we increase our age, needs, knowledge etc, our view keep changing. people intend to change to keep up with this reality.

reality as a student, view as a student in circle of higher education seem like same for most of us (i think) since we have major common needs, experience, knowledge etc. we build up our perspective towards next level, working level and we put a vision and mission towards it. however, this view, mission, vision become dull after we graduate and having a good job.

new environment, friends and foes, huge capital and everything new make us feel something that we protect before need to be adjust to adapt with everything new. i keep on changing from campus life to working life. i agree with people keep on changing their perspective. but bear in mind, not all view must be change. what you understand and practice before, need to be protected. there is no meaning what you have learn, understand and protect before, you just ignore when your surrounding change. what a pity and shame.

all in all, it depend on yourself whether you want to change or not. maybe become flexible is better (i think). meaningless you throw away your precious time digging knowledge, push yourself to understand, create your principle, vision n mission and protect it, but by the end, throw it away in the middle of the road - end of choose final part.

ayah chik

'CHOOSE' - Part 1?

i try my best to understanding what is the main idea related to my life after i read out Ust Hasrizal article on 'Syariatullah' and 'Sunnatullah'. maybe i think the main idea is to CHOOSE. maybe i'm wrong. yes, we must choose whether be or not to be. i try to finish up this article of my own story although i feel a little tired what already happen for the past few week before and what will happen for the week after this.

my life, i see it becoming increase steadily and sometime rapidly with all problem raise from personal aspect to working aspect, interaction with people and so on. i need to have better understanding on what the root cause and consequences that maybe appear from my way to CHOOSE this part or that part, this or that. sometime people not ready to receive any kind of challenges throw or tested by the Almighty Allah. people tend to not to blame themselves and put all the wrongdoing to other and also, Allah SWT.

it sound so crazy but most people, i think can live with it, tend to blame others. me, also do same thing before and by the end, nothing will be solve completely by blaming other rather than start blaming yourself. people can create much more reason on putting mistake / fault to others. how troublesome they are!

i faces a few major problem starting form early this year til now, and honestly, i need to CHOOSE properly. i try to create a few option that i think can solve the problem entirely but i remember, all that option i CHOOSE, can reflect to myself most. putting myself in danger is not an option but to think that option can save other people emotion, bring them to happiness and joy, make me feel that i worth for me putting myself in danger. (am i out of my mind?)

why came to me with your verdict rather than to have an open discussion? see the root cause first, create a few option and try to CHOOSE the best option? make me feel uneasy and smell something fishy on what the matter actually happen before they came to me with a solid result? try to resolve by your own after having debating with your 'juries' and they came to conclusion, you are fired! believe me, i need to CHOOSE without any good option at all.

i feel ashamed when maybe (maybe) a few people may read my post after this and comment verbally (crazy this guy, what kind of stupidity he is bla, bla bla etc), but i quite sure that this is journal of my life that i can review over and over again from the past and i can use this to move forward. i think that it better for me to speak/verbal rather than jotting down something here but i think this title worth to be jotted down.

i may be lost my job this month due to unsolve problem within the company or may my star would be shining brightly as my career will increase rapidly, if i CHOOSE correctly. empty stomach without healthy food and lot of debts appear after this. so, in order to prevent that happen, i stress again, i need to CHOOSE properly what action should i take. when we have to CHOOSE that not related to human being especially their emotion and needs, i think, it okay what the decision you take. (i think). unfortunately, i not life alone on my own.

let call it a day. i'm to tired to finish my today's journal of my life. sorry to myself with bad english language that i use. i want to sharpen my english vocab so that i can take IELTS or TOEFL for my master. i publish this post first and come out with new post the next day.

ayah chik

PCN Welding Inspection Level II

salam,

dear guys, hopefully with love form almighty Allah SWT, we live with islam, iman and ihsan from day by day, InsyaAllah. apologize for not jotting down something here for more than 3 month interval. most probably people always said that, ' I have no time to spend with blogging' or maybe 'Blogging is a part of my hobby, i will do it during free time'...that a reason i may be use for in accordance with my absent 'word' in this blog that i create before.

as all of you can see, my title is about specialization course in mostly oil and gas field which is welding inspection. i don't know whether the reader have a knowledge regarding this course but i prefer they can search by themselves rather than i keep on telling , briefing or whatsoever on this course. my point is i just shared my feeling toward this course due i have waiting for so long until last week, officially i 1 of 16 participant joining this class with Mr. Alec Smith form Birmingham, UK as our mentor.

i started to know this course during my time as internship student at NDT & inspection company in year 2008. gaining knowledge and experience was very enjoy full for me and hopefully i can gain a lot for the next few days to go. (10 days of course, 7 days already finish) welldone. i try to climb up and build my career path steadily, from scracth/ bottom after graduate from UMP aka KUKTEM before and i undergo various training and practicality during my tenure there. hence, i believe i already gain a lot there so i assume that my career path will be flourish during this year and the year beyond, insyaAllah.

i shall try myself harder, understanding all lecture given, notes prepared and also practical training provided by Mr. Alec Smith and learning institute, ruane-TATI. so guys, who are 'willing to learn' and 'willing to sacrifice' for this kind of job, please prepared yourself and wish you luck. Allah never change our faith if we change it by our own...seek for Allah guidance always, as He will open the successful path for you and me, InsyaAllah.

all the best to me,

ayah chik  

Merasa Kehilangan

merasa kehilangan pada hari ini pabila mendapat khabar dari teman di terengganu, kedah dan kelantan yang menyatakan sahabatku, Mohd Sobri Husain telah kembali kerahmat Allah pada tengah hari 18.11.2010 akibat kesakitan yang dialami hampir sepanjang hidupnya. Pada mulanya aku merasakan berita tersebut tidak benar, sekadar membangkitkan rasa prihatin dikalangan teman-teman seperjuangan tentang keadaan kesihatan beliau. Tapi Tuhanku, Allah SWT Maha Berkuasa keatas makhluk ciptaanNya. entah mengapa, pada diriku terbit rasa bersalah kerana aku merasakan ada sesuatu hutang yang belum langsai antara aku dengan Allahyarham sobri.

Aku cuba mengingati apakah perkara-perkara yang baik aku lakukan terhadapnya, tolong dia dalam kesusahan? bantu dia dalam pelajaran di universiti? menolong beliau untuk program kebajikan universiti? belanja dia makan? cuba memahami masalah kesihatan dia? entah la, aku buntu. aku jadi keliru. mengapa bila sesaorang itu sudah diambil Tuhan, baru aku rasa seolah-olah aku telah berhutang dengan mereka. aku tetap merasakan aku ada buat salah pada shabatku, arwah Sobri.

Aku menerima satu mesej pesanan ringkas menyebut tentang bacaan talqin sedang dibaca selepas arwah selamat dikebumikan (mesej diterima pada jam 1904). putuslah hubungan arwah Sobri dengan kami maka bermulalah perjalanan beliau menuju Yang Maha Esa. Inilah dugaan yang kualami tentang sahabatku, Tuhan Yang Esa telah mengambil sahabatku yang disukai ramai, sentiasa tersenyum, tenang dan manis mukanya. Aku yakin, Tuhan Yang Esa amat menyayanginya diatas kebaikan yang telah ditunjukkan oleh arwah.

aku merenung diriku, apalah ada pada aku. sentiasa lupa, tue sebab Tuhan murka dengan kelakuan, lalu ditimpakan dengan dugaan yang hebat dan akan terus ditimpa dugaan sehingga aku sedar dan tunduk dengan ketentuan Allah, serta kembali kepadaNya. Lagu dr Maher Zain ingatkan kehebatan Allah - Always Be There. ada masalah, tanya Allah, jumpa dengan Dia, adukan masalah pada-Nya dan berusaha dgn nama-Nya dan yakin lah dengan kekuatan-Nya.

Aku berusaha memahami masalah yang kuhadapi, cuba gunakan segala disiplin ilmu yang ada untuk mencari punca, susun permasalahan, letakkan keutamaan dan cuba selesaikan. dan aku yakin semuanya terletak pada tangan ku sendiri. you choose your way.

try your hardest to solve the problem, or minimize the impact that will come. dah lama nak publish tulisan nie, tapi hari nie baru sambung. aku yakin kenyataan bahawa, orang baik2 senang diambil Tuhan. dah banyak contoh yang aku alami sendiri. kawan sekelas masa di beseri 2001-2002, Arwah khairul mutalib meninggal masa belajar di UPSI, accident motor, kawan yang baik. arwah firdian abd rahman, rakan masa matrik melaka 2003-2004 meninggal sebab accident, juga kawan yang baik. arwah farid hasnan, housemate n classmate di uni. malaysia pahang 2004-2008 juga meninggal sebab accident motor, juga kawan yang baik. Tuhan Yang Esa memang sayang mereka sebab mereka berakhlak mulia sama macam arwah Sobri.

apa yang aku boleh lakukan ialah, berusaha jadi baik dengan redha dan ampunan dari Allah kuharapkan... Allahumma ya Muqallibal Qulub, thabbit qulubana 'ala dini wa 'ala tho 'atiq

ayah chik, Labuan FT

Kepada Allah aku berserah

salam 'alaikum,

segala puji bagi Allah, Tuhan sekelian alam maya ini. selawat dan salam keatas junjungan besar Nabi Muhammad SAW.

sudah lama aku tidak menulis, sebulan lebih bermula dari artikel pertama...aku xpasti adakah terlalu sibuk atau tidak istiqamah? aku rasa tidak istiqamah adalah jawapan yang lebih tepat untuk menggambarkan diriku yang malas menulis. menulis untuk mencurah sesuatu idea, ataupun curahan hati, pendapat, kritikan untuk membetulkan diri juga, malah kadang-kadang macam nak membela diri dari sesuatu, mencela orang lain, memuji diri dan sebagainya.

entahlah, bermacam-macam perkara sedang bermain difikiran, rasa rindu, geram, dendam, takut, risau, runsing bermain-main dikepala. menyesakkan dada dengan perkara-perkara dunia. tue sebab Tuhan marah lalu memberi bermacam-macam dugaan untuk kita rapatkan diri kita pada Dia. ya, kita memang pelupa dan aku berharap tulisan ini dapat tunjukkan diri aku ni pelupa pada Tuhan yang sentiasa ingat kat aku. aku yang tidak adil pada Allah.

dan tengoklah diriku, Tuhan bagi satu dugaan untuk aku berubah. aku cuba sedaya upaya mencari penyebab kenapa aku kena dugaan macam ni. ada orang kata, dugaan Tuhan untuk kita dekat pada Dia, tingkatkan iman kita, kuatkan pergantungan kita pada Dia. maka aku cuba untuk positifkan diri aku sedaya upaya untuk aku letakkan penyebab Tuhan bagi aku masalah disebabkan diri aku sendiri. aku yang bersalah, aku yang lalai, aku yang tidak konsisten. semuanya sebab aku sendiri. Tuhan dah bagi akal, nyawa, ilmu, agama untuk aku teruskan hidup untuk capai redha Allah tapi aku...gagal untuk manfaatkan sebaik mungkin.

sekarang, tengoklah diriku yang dilanda kesusahan. aku cuba dan terus cuba untuk redha dan berfikiran positif, dan aku sangat-sangat berharap pada Allah SWT untuk beri aku kekuatan dan ketenangan jiwa untuk aku berusaha mencari jalan keluar diatas apa dugaan yang telah Allah berikan pada aku.


Ya Allah, berikan kepada hamba-Mu ketenangan dan kekuatan jiwa untuk mengharungi masalah yang ku hadapi ini. Amin